Lifestyle Design

We Have Nothing in Common – Sheryl Brown

What’s a couple to do when they feel they have fallen out of love, and/or have nothing in common? Is it over for good? Can anything turn things around?

One way I respond to these kinds of questions in therapy is to ask a couple what drew them together in the first place. A couple might then find some ideas to rekindle the spark.

The solution might be found in taking regular walks that make it easier to talk together or just to be together. It might be sitting face to face across a table and looking into each other eyes to talk. It might be working together on a home project or taking a vacation dedicated to focusing on the two of you. As a couple do you work together well, or do you do better engaging in a form of recreation?

If there are deeper issues, and resentment has taken a hold, you may want to consider discussing the matter openly with your partner. If you run into the same old argument and can’t seem to break the pattern, consider seeing a therapist to help you work through the issues and to learn effective ways of communicating.

You can read more of Sheryl’s work at or at

0 thoughts on “We Have Nothing in Common – Sheryl Brown

  1. My girlfriend and i have been dating for nearly four years now and we discovered a while back that we have nothing in common. Our love life is not an issue, but rather our typical everyday life is the problem. We differ about religion, finances, stations in life, and pretty much about everything there is. She spends a lot of time with her prayer group friends and family and i want to spend time with just her. We love each other and want to make things work, but also want to be happy doing so. I have ben thinking of proposing to her but that poses a problem since i don’t know (nor does she) if it will work out. Any suggestions?

  2. Eddie, thanks for your comments and for sharing openly on this. It sounds like you have great chemistry and that it has been sustained so far. Is that what drew you together in the first place?Many times, if a couple can remember and restore what was good and made them feel connected in their early years, that can be enough to make it worthwhile to stay together.The things you say you differ on are significant topics. Can you find over-arching values within those topics that you share? For example, you may have differing religious beliefs, but both believe that everyone has a right to follow their own beliefs and to be respected by those who differ.Ultimately, no one else can say better than you whether your relationship will work out and go the distance. Your own creativity and will power could make possible what others feel impossible. What does she say?You two sound like an amazing couple and it would be great to meet you in person! Let us know what you decide.PS You might find it interesting and helpful to make an appointment with a Marriage & Family Therapist in your area. Try a search online. Here’s one website for you to try.

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